Taciturn Riolu, Passionate Charmander
by Insomniac98338
Summary: A first-person smart-arse wakes up on a beach with no memory of who he was. Now taking the form of a Riolu, he teams up with a friendly Charmander for lack of anything better to do.
1. Chapter 1

_Urgh...Where am I?_

_...I can hear waves...hitting sand? Am I on a beach?_

_...Meh, no use thinking about that now. Can't get up. Too...tired...Consciousness...fading..._

* * *

><p>An indeterminate amount of time passed before a voice roused me from my slumber.<p>

"What happened?! Are you okay?"

_Well, can't ignore the real world forever. Not with someone worried about my well-being anyway._

So I finally opened my eyes...and found myself face to face with what appeared to be a sentient, walking and talking lizard. Something told me this was gonna be one of _those_ days. _Oh right, I probably ought to stand at some point so he doesn't take me for crippled or something._

The moment I finally got around to standing, though, I noticed he was somehow around my size, relatively speaking. Either he was somehow much larger than usual, or I took something my body doesn't agree with and I've gone bonkers as a result. "You're awake! That's a relief," the walking-talking-sentient-lizard, or rather, Charmander, said, before finally giving me some breathing space.

"You weren't moving at all. I was seriously worried!" _How flattering, especially considering you don't even know if I'm friendly yet...Still, he seems docile enough, so I suppose the benefit of the doubt is in order._

"Do you remember how you ended up unconscious out here?" Seeing me lost in thought, he continued: "Well, I'm Zippo. Glad to meet you! And who are you? I've never seen you around before."

Still a little groggy on account of just waking up, I was just coherent enough to mumble something about being a human. This...did not go well judging by Zippo's shocked expression.

"What? You say you're a human? You look like a totally normal **Riolu** to me!"

Stunned by his remark, I gave myself just a quick once-over. Hands replaced with paws, with rounded bumps on the back of the forepaws. Face felt a little more...canine, than usual. Or whatever "usual" meant for me anyway. I now had a tail. My skin was covered in black and blue fur, yellow furred "collar", and I even had those dopey looking appendages on either side of my face that resembled big droopy ears. "Well, crap, y'got me there," I said, coming to grips with what had happened.

"You're...a little odd...Are you pulling some kind of trick on me?"

"I don't believe my _current _species is very well known for trickery. Then again, can't seem to recall much of anything at the moment...Still, I wouldn't wake up thinking I was human if I wasn't one, would I?"

"You're telling the truth? All right, then. Your name? What's your name?"

_My name...I think I remember that too. It was..._ "Varil."

"Oh, Varil is your name? OK. Well, you don't seem to be a bad Pokemon, at least. Sorry that I doubted you. More and more bad Pokemon have been turning up lately, you see! Many Pokemon have gotten aggressive lately. Things have grown somewhat lawless..."

As I was taking all this in, a Koffing and Zubat sauntered up as if they owned the place and shoved Zippo to the ground, causing him to drop something.

"Well, I do beg your pardon." The Koffing said, almost as if he was proving a point; he didn't even sound _remotely_ sincere.

"Hey! Why'd you do that?!"

_Well I'll be buggered, Zippo actually looks a little ticked right now._

"Heh-heh-heh! Can't figure it out?" That obnoxious laughter came from Zubat. "We wanted to mess with you! Can't face up to us, can you?!"

"Wh-what?!"

_Well, so much for angry-Zippo._

"That's yours, isn't it?" Zubat continued.

"No! That's...!"

"Sorry, kiddo. We'll take that!"

"Whoa-ho-ho! Not gonna make a move to get that back?" Koffing spoke up again. "What's the matter? Too scared? I didn't expect that you'd be such a big coward!" Turning to Zubat, "Come on. Let's get out of here."

"See you around, chicken. Heh-heh-heh."

If you're wondering why I haven't stepped in by now, Zippo looked a little too out of it to fight at the moment, and I wasn't really confident in my ability to tango with two. Especially not with one of 'em being a big dumb fart cloud or something like that. Even from behind Zippo he smells positively horrid.

"...Ohhh...Wh-what should I do? That's my personal treasure. It means everything to me. If I lose that...No! There's no time to waste!" _That has to mark a new record going from depressed to determined._ "I've got to get it back! Hey, can I get you to help me?

I had a choice to make here. On the one hand, this isn't my fight. Has nothing whatsoever to do with me. On the other hand, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I don't know where I am, how I got here, how or why I woke up as a Riolu, and I can't even remember yesterday. This bloke was instantly kind to me without even knowing me. If I help him out here, he might help _me_ out in return. Pretty easy choice, really. Shrugging, I gave my answer. "I look like I got anything better to be doing? Come on, let's go."

"R-really? You'll really help?! Th-thank you! Let's go quickly!"

* * *

><p>That was a little weird, even by today's standards. One moment I was entering a cave, the next I was plonked into some rectangular room connected to four different passages. One to the north where I was, another to the west, and two more to the east. There were two small piles of money, a black tile with a green arrow on it, and a staircase going down. There was also another Pokemon in the room, but he didn't look too friendly.<p>

First things first, let's take that money. Don't ask where I put it without some sort of container, I certainly didn't. With money in tow, seventy-one of...whatever the currency here is, I began heading south to confront that other Pokemon. Turned out to have been a Shellder. Two regular hits was all it took to give him what for. Continuing south brought us to a Shellos. A single Quick Attack from a couple paces away took him out. Not one to waste any more time, I made a beeline for the stairs.

* * *

><p>Another room, two exits west, one south. There was another Pokemon a little to the east. Stepping towards it, I used Quick Attack...but it was too far away to hit with it. <em>So my range is the spot two paces ahead of me? Good to know.<em> Stepping forward again, I took on the Corsola, it turned out to be, directly. I did most of the work, Zippo just sort of Growled at it from behind me. Told me it reduces the attack power of any hostile Pokemon in the room. Sounds useful. I immediately found another set of stairs in a room to the south. Let's see how long my luck holds.

* * *

><p>Apparently I'm still in luck, there was yet another set of stairs in the north end of this room. Disregarding the passages to the south, I carried on to the north where we encountered a Kabuto. He was a little hardier than what came before, but nothing we couldn't handle. Carry on.<p>

* * *

><p>Must I really describe every insipid little battle between me and my objective? Good, cause I won't. Heading south, I was a little disappointed to find that my stair-magnetism has appeared to have run out. On the plus side, there was a Blast Seed on the floor, which Zippo told me would allow whoever eats it to breathe fire at the target directly in front of him or her.<p>

Seeing no other options, I headed east, where a Corsola and Kabuto blocked my path. Moving on. Nothing in this room, which leaves the single northbound passage. That figures. Would've found the stairs right away had I only gone east from my starting position. Couldn't be too upset though, considering I picked up something that may soon prove itself useful. Something tells me that's gonna happen a lot later on, though.

* * *

><p>Their backs were turned when we made our way to the deepest part of Beach Cave. With some luck, we might be able to gain the initiative...And then Zippo spoke up...So much for that. "Uh... Hey!"<p>

They turned around, and Koffing spoke first. "Well, well...If it isn't our old friend, the big chicken."

"Urk!...Give me... Give me back what you stole from me! That's my personal treasure! It means everything to me!" _Almost got it there, Zippo. Needs less pleading tone and facial expression, and just a little bit more assertiveness. A lot more actually. You seriously need help with that, dude._

"Treasure, you say? So that thing really is valuable, huh?"

"It could be worth more than we'd hoped for, I'd say. We ought to try selling it. Who knows? It might get a good price. Whoa-ho-ho! All the more reason not to give it back!"

I couldn't take this idiocy anymore, I had to say something. "Idiots...Are you incapable of acknowledging the difference between _sentimental_ "treasure" and the kind that actually comes with a price tag?! ...Whatever, the time for diplomacy is over. I'm gonna make you hurt now."

"If you want it back that badly... Come and get it! Heh-heh-heh!"

This fight was...insultingly easy. Even as Zubat was taunting us, I was already swallowing that Blast Seed I found not too long ago. Should go without saying he went down without putting up much of a fight. Zippo was already having a go at Koffing with a well-placed Scratch, but I knew he couldn't do this alone. In an instant, this went from a 2v2, to a 1v1, and then a 2v1 in our favor. After landing a few good punches on Koffing, I sensed it was time for the finishing blow. So I...

Well, I don't know, and more importantly I don't _want to know_ what exactly I was thinking at the time. All I knew was that chowing down on a Blast Seed reminded me of something...I was freaking _hungry_. Hungry enough to hallucinate that Koffing was something much more appetizing than he actually was. So I used Bite.

...Five extremely awkward seconds later and I was retching.

...

...

...I'm suddenly not so hungry anymore...Also, I'm happy to announce that this officially rules out the possibility that I'm suffering from the effects of a horrible drug trip. Wait, no, that's actually not so desirable at the moment, what am I thinking? This is still no less kooky a situation than it was when I assumed I was on something, and I still very much would like it to be over.

"Uh, Varil, are you...are you gonna be okay?"

"HUAURK! BLEH! Why...why did I...do that? Nobody wins...when you use Bite...on a Koffing...HURGH!"

"I...probably shouldn't have to point out that this wasn't the smartest thing you've done all day."

"Oh, shut up...At least I took 'im out with it. Urgh...not my proudest moment."

"Owowow..."

"Ugh...We got roughed up..." Oh right those guys. So long story short, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum returned what they stole from Zippo, which he called a Relic Fragment. I'm sure you'll forgive the lack of detail on my part. I just want this day to be over with so I never have to talk about it again.

* * *

><p>Back at the beach where I woke up...<p>

"Thank you! Seriously!"

"Look, you seem like a good kid, but..." _I only helped because I happened to be in the area and I had nothing better to do..._is what a less tactful me would've said. So I settled on "...just promise me you'll never speak of this day again, especially _that _part, and you can consider us even."

"Oh, sure. But...I figure you may as well get a closer look at the item you helped me retrieve." He placed what appeared to be a large rock on the ground. Looked like junk to me, but I knew better than to say that aloud. "Here's what they stole. This is a Relic Fragment...Well, at least, that's what I started calling it...But this Relic Fragment...It's my precious treasure."

"You see, I've always liked legends and lore...I always get so excited when I hear tales from the past! Don't you feel the same way? Hidden troves full of treasure and strange relics..." and here he seemed to get _really_ excited. His eyes had this sudden manic gleam to them. "...uncharted territories veiled in darkness...and new lands just waiting to be discovered! Such places must be full of unimaginable gold and treasure! And history! Wouldn't it be amazing to make historic discoveries?"

"Honestly...I'd rather figure out my _own_ history first. But that's just me."

"Well, that's what _I_ always dream of. It's all exciting to me. So one day...I happened to come across my Relic Fragment. I admit that it looks like junk, but take a closer look."

And take a closer look I did. Looked like gibberish to me.

"See? That inscription forms a strange pattern, doesn't it? There must be some significance to this pattern. This Relic Fragment must be the key to legendary places! To areas where precious treasure lies! At least that's the feeling I get."

"That's why I want to join an exploration team. This fragment must fit into something...somewhere! I want to discover where that is. I want to solve the mystery of my Relic Fragment! So earlier, I tried joining an exploration team as an apprentice...But...I chickened out."

_Of course you did. Otherwise you wouldn't be here._

"What about you, Varil? What are you going to do now? You lost your memory. And you somehow transformed into a Pokemon...Do you have anywhere to go and stay after this?" I merely shrugged at that last part. "If not, can I ask a big favor? Would you be willing to form an exploration team with me? I'm convinced that I can form an effective exploration team with you, Varil. So will you? Please?"

"For lack of any better ideas...Lead the way, partner."

"Yes? Really?! You'll form an exploration team with me? Yes! Thank you! We're going to be a great combination! Let's make this work! First, we should go to **Wigglytuff**'s place and sign up as apprentices. That's where we need to train to become a first-rate exploration team. I'm sure the training will be very tough...But let's give it our best, Varil!"

At that point he did a very dopey looking fist-pump thing. "Wait, I'm lost. Was I supposed to strike a pose just now? You look ridiculous, stop that, I'm not doing that."

_Five seconds later..._

I then found myself doing precisely what I just refused to do with a very deadpan look on my face. I learned it's best not to question these things. No I'm not telling you what he did or said to change my mind in such a short amount of time, I'm sure whatever you can think of is much funnier than what actually happened. "Hurray..." _...This journey is probably gonna get really weird, really fast, I should learn to just roll with it..._


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This will cover both chapters up to this point because I can't be arsed to edit that in. So, you know how the typical duo revolves around a typical hot-blooded shonen hero with his insufferably stoic prick of a friend? Well my duo's no different, only it's from the perspective of the insufferably stoic prick. How much I intend to develop his character remains to be seen, seeing as I consider the Player Character of the PMD: Explorers of games to be more of a supporting protagonist for most of the game while his or her partner serves as the true protagonist. This, in my opinion, gives my choice of Riolu as player character and Charmander as partner the slightest bit more symbolism. I'll give you a hint, it's all in the color scheme.

* * *

><p><em>So...this is Wigglytuff's Guild...<em>

It was nothing more than a large tent built at the edge of a cliff, with its most striking feature being a roof in the image of what could only be Wigglytuff himself. The Wigglytuff-roof had a winning smile that gave the impression that all were welcome. There was a large torch and totem pole on both sides, and a hole with a wooden grate between us and the iron gate that currently blocked entrance into the guild.

_Hard to imagine anyone being intimidated by this. Then again, I _have_ met Zippo. He seems to scare quite easily..._

"This is Wigglytuff's Guild. To form an exploration team, you need to register your team here. Then you have to train until you become a first-rate exploration team."

He suddenly got nervous again. Poor kid shook like a leaf in the wind.

"Y-y-yikes! Isn't there something just a little odd about this place? No...! I've got Varil with me this time."

He had his determined face on again. _Sheesh kid, make up your mind already. Truly, thou hath mastered the noble art of rapid-fire mood swings..._

"I have to be brave."

The moment he stepped onto the grate, a voice cried out, "Pokemon detected! Pokemon detected! Whose footprint? Whose footprint? The footprint is Charmander's! The footprint is Charmander's!

"Waah! N-no. I have to be strong..."

"...You may ENTER!" A different voice shouted. Wherever it came from, it was ridiculously loud. The second voice continued, "Someone's with you! So get that stranger to stand up THERE!"

Zippo moved off to the side, and I took his place without missing a beat. The whole process started again, only something seemed...different.

"Pokemon detected! Pokemon detected! Whose footprint? Whose footprint? The footprint is... The footprint is... Um..."

"What's the matter?! Sentry! Sentry?! What's wrong, sentry **Diglett**?"

The first voice, Diglett, stuttered out uncertainly, "Um... Er... Umm... The footprint is... Maybe** Riolu'**s!Maybe** Riolu'**s!"

"What?! MAYBE?!"

"B-but... It's not a footprint that you normally see around here..."

"UGH! That's pretty crummy! Checking the footprints of visiting Pokemon...That's your job, ISN'T it, Diglett?"

"Yes, but... I don't know what I don't know."

"What? Are they arguing?"

_Sounds like I'm a rare breed 'round these parts. Aren't I special? Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Or maybe that's just gas from the Koffing. That crap really sticks with you for a while._

"Sorry to make you WAIT. Well, it's TRUE that you don't see any **Riolu** in these parts...But you don't SEEM to be bad...OK, good enough! ENTER!"

The gate opened, and we stepped inside.

"Th-there's a hatch that leads underground here!"

"Wonderful, oh Master of Observation. What would you like to point out next? That fire is hot? Or perhaps that water is wet? Or that you don't like sand because it's coarse, rough and irritating, and gets everywhere?"

"...Sorry...Wait, how'd you know about—N-nevermind, let's just go down..."

* * *

><p>There were several groups of Pokemon underground; most were just hanging out, presumably after a long day of work, and some were discussing what jobs they would tackle the next day.<p>

"Wow! So this is Wigglytuff's Guild! So many Pokemon! I wonder if they're all on exploration teams?"

"Excuse me!" We turned around to face the source of a high-pitched, almost sing-song voice. The voice belonged to an avian with a black head that resembles an eighth note, while its black tail resembles a metronome. Its plumage is brightly colored with blue wings, a yellow chest and feet, a green stomach, and a pink, hooked beak. Additionally, there was a ruff of white feathers around its neck.

"It was you two that just came in, right?"

"Y-yes!" Zippo replied enthusiastically.

"I'm Chatot!~ I'm the Pokemon in the know around these parts! I am Guildmaster Wigglytuff's right-hand Pokemon!~"

_His right hand comes off? ...That was terrible, I apologize._

"Now, shoo! Leave the premises! We have no time for salespeople or silly surveys. Off you go, if you please!"

Crossing my arms in irritation, I grunted, "Do we LOOK like salespeople or survey men to you?" _You insufferable ignoramus of an avian._

"N-no! That's not why we're here! We want to form an exploration team...That's why we came. We want to be trained as an exploration team."

"Wh-what?! Exploration team? It's rare to see a kid like this want to apprentice at the guild. Especially given how hard our training is! Surely the steady stream of Pokemon that run away from our rigorous training proves how true that is!"

"Hard, rigorous training?" I couldn't stop a cocky smirk from crossing my face. "Bring it on, I love a good challenge."

"Excuse me. Is the exploration team training that severe?"

"What?! Well...no! No, no, no! It's not true in the slightest! Our training program for exploration teams is as easy as can be!"

_...What._

"Well, well, well!~ I wish you had told me up front that you wanted to be an exploration team!~ Hee-heeee!~ OK! Let's get your team signed up right away. Follow me!~"

_...Am I about to join an explorer's guild, or Mood Swings Anonymous? This is proving rather vexing._

"Oh, anything wrong? Come on! Over here!~ Quickly, please!~"

Deciding I'd just have to swallow my irritation for the time being, I followed the currently overenthusiastic avian down another ladder.

* * *

><p>"This is the guild's second underground floor. This is mainly where the apprentices work. Team registration is this way. Come along, please."<p>

Chatot lead us over to a wide set of double-doors with a symbol on them in the shape of a bag of some sort—_Zippo, you gorram spaz!_

The hyperactive Charmander was now jumping up and down in front of a window. He was excited about still being able to see outside even though we were two floors underground...apparently forgetting or having not realized that this place is built into the side of a cliff.

"Oh please! Hush now! The guild is built into the side of a cliff. It's only natural that you would be able to see outside."

"Oh."

"_Oh," he says. That's it? "Oh."? Could we perhaps add ADHD to Zippo's steadily growing list of neuroses?_

"Now, here we are at Guildmaster Wigglytuff's chamber. On no account... I repeat, on no account should you be discourteous to our Guildmaster." Turning to the door now, "Guildmaster! It's Chatot!~ I'm coming in!

* * *

><p>"Guildmaster! I present to you two Pokemon who wish to join our guild as apprentices."<p>

Annnnnd...ignored.

"Guildmaster... um...Guildmaster?"

Then he suddenly turned around, chirping "Hiya!" as he did so.

_Bwah! That was actually quite startling! Please tell me he doesn't make a habit of this..._

"I'm Wigglytuff! I'm the guild's Guildmaster!"

_If he gives me a hug, I am so jumping out of that window I just saw. _The title "Guildmaster" leads to a certain expectation, like, say, that he'd be a bit more of a drill-sergeant, an expectation which had yet to be fulfilled.

"You want to form an exploration team? Then, let's go for it! First we must register your exploration team's name! So tell me your team's name?"

"Oh? Our team's name? We didn't think of that." Turning to face me now, "So what do you think would be a good name for us, Varil?"

I was actually quite flustered now. This is it, my first major decision for the team, and it had to be deciding what we would be known as from now on. I didn't particularly care to have that weight on my shoulders.

"What're you asking _me _for? You're the the leader here, _you_ pick a name."

"Okay then, how about...Pokepals!"

_Oh goodness gracious no._ "Er, on second thought, perhaps it _would_ be best if I picked the team's name. I was thinking something...heroic...sounds powerful...something people can actually take seriously..."

"Yeah? Like what?" Zippo retorted, crossing his arms in anticipation.

"I'm thinking...how about Curtana?"

"...Curtana?! Team Curtana! Yeah... That's a good name! It suits us!"

_Poppycock, you're just going along with it to make me happy. You probably don't even know what it means...Then again, neither do I. It was just sorta the first thing that popped into my head._

"All settled, then! I'll register your team as Curtana. Registering!~ Registering!~ All registered... YOOM...TAH! Congratulations! From now on, you're an official exploration team!"

_That was almost distressingly simple. Not even a background check or anything of the sort? They'll let just about anyone in, won't they?_

"I present you with this in commemoration."

He set down a gold box, or rather, a Pokemon Exploration Team Kit, which Zippo opened.

There was an Explorer Badge inside... And a Wonder Map... And a Treasure Bag.

"Yeah! There are all sorts of great items in here!" Zippo made no attempt whatsoever to contain his glee.

"That's your Explorer Badge! It's your official team identification! And there's the Wonder Map, which is a wonder of convenience!"

"Ha ha. I am laughing. Truly an extraordinary pun, Guildmaster." No points for guessing who was responsible for that dry remark. Also no points for guessing which colorful individual wondered aloud if Varil was really a Dark type in disguise. _Also_ also no points for guessing which relentlessly cheerful individual either chose to ignore it or simply didn't notice. He'd proven himself a bit of a ditz so far, so the latter seemed more likely.

"Finally, there's a Treasure Bag. It lets you carry items you find in dungeons. Your successes as an exploration team can lead to bigger and bigger space for your Treasure Bag. It's a very wonderful bag!~ Have a peek inside your Treasure Bag."

There was a Defense Scarf and a Sky Blue Bow inside. _I suppose I'll be in charge of distributing these later._

"Those two items are special. I'm sure they will help you on your adventures!~"

"Th-thank you! We'll do our best!"

"Yup. But you're only apprenticing right now. So do your best...to train!"

"We will! Let's always do our best, Varil!"

_Oh joy, it's stupid pose time again._ Zippo looked at me expectantly, almost daring me with his eyes to not pose. So I grudgingly raised my hand high up in the air just to get it over with. "Wahoo. Loople-doo..."

* * *

><p>Chatot escorted us to our room, just past the Guildmaster's room and then straight ahead.<p>

"This is your room!~"

There were two straw beds set out for us. Simple, but they'll get the job done. And of course, Zippo just had to jump on his bed in excitement. "Great! We get beds!"

_Of course we get beds, you hyperactive ninny._

"You will live here while you work for us. Things will start getting busy for you tomorrow!~ So rise early and start living up to our code! Don't stay up late. Get to sleep early tonight!~ That is all."

* * *

><p>Approximately half-an-hour later, the sun had finally fully set, allowing a full moon to take its place.<p>

Zippo's voice broke the silent ambiance of the night. "Oh, are you still awake, Varil?"

I cracked one eye open. "Actually, no, I wasn't. I sleep soundly and immediately, unlike _some_ people." I replied curtly.

"Oh...sorry. It's just that, my heart's been racing all day today over every little thing...But I'm glad I finally made myself come here. I thought Wigglytuff would be scary, but he seems pretty friendly. We're going to experience all sorts of things starting tomorrow, but I'm not very scared. In fact, it's the other way around. I'm super excited about the adventures we'll face! ...I'm feeling a bit sleepy...Let's give it our all tomorrow. OK, Varil. Good night."

_...Good night, you neurotic little lizard. Well, at the very least, while he may be incredibly thick at times, he's earnest, and his heart's in the right place. Working with him should prove to be...entertaining, to say the least._

_Now, first things first. Who am I? How did I turn into a Pokemon? And how did I end up unconscious on that beach? ...Not healthy to dwell on that for too long. I should just focus on guild work for the time being. I'm sure the past will catch up to me if I just hang around long enough. That's usually how this sort of thing works, isn't it?_

* * *

><p>The next morning...<p>

"HEY! HEY THERE! RISE AND SHINE!"

_That's okay, ridiculously loud voice, I didn't particularly need those eardrums._

"Why are you still ASLEEP?! WAKE UP!"

"M-my poor ears..."

"C'mon! Snap OUT of it! I'm Loudred! And I'm a fellow apprentice! If you're late for our morning briefing, you'll be SORRY! So MOVE it! Guildmaster Wigglytuff has got a BIG temper. If you make him lose it...YOWEEE! That would be one very scary scene! I've got goose bumps just thinking about it! YEESH! So ANYWAY...I'm not about to get in trouble because you rookies got up LATE! SO GET IT IN GEAR!"

_...Is he gone yet? Is it safe to think now? My poor abused ears..._

"Urk! My ears are still ringing...What did he say? Something about getting ready?" We both snapped wide awake after remembering something... "Er... Oh yeah! We signed up as apprentices at Wigglytuff's guild, that's right! But that means...Waaaah! We totally overslept! We've got to hurry, Varil!"

* * *

><p>We took our place at morning assembly, held right in front of Wigglytuff's room. To Zippo's immediate left was Diglett, and to mine was...a bipedal flower? <em>Okay, sure, why not. This is surely not the weirdest thing I can expect to see. <em>Loudred was the first to address us.

"You're LATE, rookies!"

"Hush!" Chatot immediately chastised him. "Your voice is ridiculously loud!"

"Humph..."

"Everyone seems to be present. Very well.~ Let us conduct our morning address. Guildmaster!~ The guild is in full attendance!~" Wigglytuff emerged from his room. "Thank you, Guildmaster!~ Please address the crew."

"*Zzzz... Zzzz... Snorfle... Zzz..."

_I...have no words. What _is_ this guy? And how the hell can he sleep while appearing for all intents and purposes, awake?_

"Thank you, sir! We all value your...words of wisdom!~ OK, Pokemon!~ Take our Guildmaster's words of wisdom to heart!~"

_Does that mean I can go back to sleep now? No? Worth a shot._

"Finally, let's not forget our morning cheers! All together now!~"

Naturally, Zippo and I would sit out of morning cheers on account of not knowing them yet.

"A ONE, A TWO...A ONE-TWO-THREE! ONE! DON'T SHIRK WORK! TWO! RUN AWAY AND PAY!" That second one sounds rather ominous... "THREE! SMILES GO FOR MILES!"

"OK, Pokemon! Get to work!~"

"HOORAY!" And at that, everyone scattered. Wigglytuff went back into his room, presumably for some more shut-eye. Chatot turned to address us.

"Hey, you shouldn't just be wandering around there. You two come here.~"

He lead us up the ladder and off to the side, where a bulletin board was covered in papers. Presumably, that would be a job board.

"You're just beginners. We'll have you start off with this assignment.~ This is the Job Bulletin Board. Pokemon from various regions post job requests here."

_Called it._

"You're aware that bad Pokemon are cropping up in greater numbers, right?"

"Yup. Because the flow of time is getting messed up. It's wreaking havoc, right? Which is why lots of bad Pokemon are appearing!"

_Flow of time...?_ I raised a hand at this. "Point of order. What. Has someone been going around causing time paradoxes while I wasn't looking?"

It was Chatot who responded. "We...don't rightly know what's causing it, Varil. All we know is that time getting out of whack has caused an outbreak of bad Pokemon. Perhaps because of all that...We have noticed an increase in the number of jobs. In addition...and it's unknown if this is because of time's influence...There has also been a mass outbreak of...mystery dungeons."

It was Zippo's turn to spout exposition now. "So, Varil! You know how we got my Relic Fragment back yesterday? The place where we found it was a mystery dungeon. A mystery dungeon changes each time you go into it. There's a different layout and different items every time you enter! If you faint in the middle of a dungeon, you lose half of your money...You can even lose half your items or more...Finally, you get kicked right out. They're very strange places. But every time you go inside one, there are always new things to discover! They really are fantastic places to go exploring!"

"Well! You're quite informed, aren't you!~ That makes things much easier for me to explain!~ Jobs all take place in mystery dungeons. So...let's look for a job that you should perform!~ Ah, yes.~ Maybe this will do?" Chatot took a job from the board and handed it to Zippo to read.

"'Hello! My name is Spoink! An outlaw has run off with my most prized possession. My precious pearl! That pearl is life itself...to me! I just can't seem to settle down if that pearl isn't in its proper place atop my head! But I've heard my pearl has been sighted! It's said to be on a rocky bluff. But this bluff is reported to be extremely unsafe. I could never go somewhere so frightening! Oh, friendly readers! Would you be so kind as to go to the bluff and get my pearl? I beg your help, exploration team members!' From Spoink."

"Wait a second...We're going to fetch an item that someone dropped? I would rather do something that's more of an adventure. I'd rather look for treasure or explore unknown places. Things like that!"

I merely applied paw to forehead and shook my head slowly at a certain reptilian's antics. You'd think he'd at least appreciate not being delegated to running errands for the guild as our first task, but apparently not.

"Hush! It's important that you rookies pay your dues! Now pay attention! I'll repeat the warnings again to make sure they stick! You'll be forced out of a dungeon and sent back here if either of you faints. You'll lose half your money! And you could lose half your items or more. You'd best be careful! If you've understood all that, I suggest you get on with the job!~"

* * *

><p><span>Drenched Bluff, Entrance<span>

There were a great many large boulders lining the path of the entrance, with lush vegetation growing on and around them.

"This must be the bluff's entrance. Spoink's mission description said the pearl is deep down on the B7F level. It sounds like a seriously dangerous place. Let's be careful. Let's do our best, Varil!"

Before we entered, I took some time out to distribute the items that came with our Treasure Bag. I gave the Defense Scarf to Zippo, which left the Sky Blue Bow for myself.

Zippo brought up a very good point regarding my decision. "Why do I get the Defense Scarf when you spend more time up front? Wouldn't it make more sense if _you_ wore the Defense Scarf?"

"...I like the bow. It makes me feel like a dapper gentleman."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Don't look at me like that. Any more questions? No? Good, moving on."

* * *

><p>The room we found ourselves in had a single passageway to the west. Additionally, there was an unidentified bottle at Zippo's feet, a pink berry to the north, and a hostile Shellos sneaking up on Zippo. I wasted no time giving him what for. Now onto that bottle. Zippo identified it as a Max Elixir.<p>

"Okay, so, you may have noticed that using your special attacks takes extra energy. Use them too much and you'll be too tired to use them. If you drink a Max Elixir, your energy will be fully restored."

Now the berry to the north.

"That's a Pecha Berry. They're used for curing poison."

We then found an apple in a room to the west of our starting location.

"No need to explain this one Mr. Tutorial. I'm amnesiac, not stupid."

Next, a small pile of Geo Pebbles in the south end of the room. These will be nice to have when I'm not in Quick Attack range. Curiously, as we made to leave, a Shellos appeared from the north end of the room. Pretty sure he wasn't there when we first walked in. Shellos dispatched, we proceeded further south. We found the first set of stairs and promptly decided to move on.

* * *

><p>A Lileep greeted us in this room. Aside from that, there was a pile of money(37) and, most importantly, the stairs.<p>

* * *

><p>There was a sleeping Anorith in this room. I moved into Quick Attack range to get the drop on him, whereupon Zippo used Growl and woke him up. After dispatching him the hold fashioned way, I promptly ordered Zippo to stop using Growl until I needed him to. We proceeded south and found the stairs and 47...let's just call 'em Pokecoins and be done with it.<p>

* * *

><p>There was a Chingling in this room. It's fainted now. I picked up another Max Elixer, moved north, defeated a Lileep, and promptly turned back south after this turned out to be a dead-end. South of our starting position was a room containing a Heal Seed (cures all status problems) and a passage leading west, and immediately, north. I defeated a Shellos on the way, and proceeded west after defeating yet another Shellos.<p>

There was a passage to the south in this room, guarded by an Anorith and a Shellos, the latter of which Zippo was able to dispatch with an Ember attack. I picked up the 42 Pokecoins that they dropped and continued south to find the stairs.

* * *

><p>A Chingling and a Lileep were waiting for us in this room. Before they got too close I opted to pick up 31 Pokecoins prior to engagement. I took the Chingling while Zippo dealt with the Lileep. <em>Gotta remember that he's just as capable in a fight as I am from now on.<em>

Proceeding north I found a Pink Gummi, 54 Pokecoins, and a blue colored berry which Zippo told me was an Oran Berry, for healing thyself. I was actually a little winded after that previous fight, so I figured a little pick-me-up couldn't hurt.

The first indication that something was wrong was that Zippo gasped, as if realizing something, right as I put the ostensibly healthy berry in my mouth. He cried out "Wait! Varil, no...!" but it was too late. By then I had swallowed it. It was rather sour for my liking, almost as if it were spoiled. There was a worrisome grumbling in my belly, and not the kind associated with hunger. And then the sudden, yet mercifully brief pain going from my mouth all the way down to my stomach made me toss my lunch. Which admittedly wasn't much considering I'd yet to eat a proper meal.

"Gah...the hell was that?"

"That was actually an Oren Berry. They look almost exactly the same as Oran Berries, so it's hard to tell them apart at first glance. There are other Lookalike Items, so be careful from now on. I really should've noticed it sooner. I'm sorry, Varil..."

"No, it's quite all right. I shouldn't have been thinking with my stomach. What's done is done, so let's just quietly sweep this incident under the rug."

With that behind us, we proceeded through the northern passage, which then turned west. There was a fork in the middle going south, but we continued west until we came across a room. We went south from this room, with the passage continuing to the east, before we found ourselves right back where we started.

Back at the previous fork in the road, we instead proceeded south this time. We found 43 PCs, a Red Gummi, and the stairs. Still feeling a little sheepish from the Oren Berry incident, I ate the Pink Gummi while Zippo had the Red, which he claimed was his favorite. I felt my IQ going up somewhat and no I'm not gonna question how that works go away. I'm long since passed the point of questioning that which makes no sense to me.

* * *

><p>This room had a passage to the south and another to the west. I picked up 42 PCs before heading west. The next room contained a Max Elixer, 67 PCs, and the stairs.<p>

* * *

><p>"Oh! Look at that!"<p>

There it was, just lying out in the open, at the base of a rocky fountain. I had to admit, this place had a certain charm to it. Just what exactly was that pearl doing here, though?

"This must be Spoink's pearl! Let's hurry back with it!"

I was almost, keyword _almost_, disappointed that we retrieved the pearl without incident. Yesterday's events set a precedent, dagnabbit.

* * *

><p><span>Wigglytuff's Guild, Job Bulletin Board<span>

Spoink was nothing short of relieved when we finally made it back with his pearl.

"Th-thank you! That pearl must be propped on my head, you see. I missed it so much! I just couldn't settle down without it up there! So I was just boinging and sproinging everywhere! That's why I'm covered in dings and bumps. But thanks to you, that long nightmare is over! You have my sincere thanks!"

As a reward for our efforts, we were awarded a Protein, a Calcium, an Iron, and...2,000 coins? Something didn't seem right here...

"Oh, wow! 2,000?! All this money is for us?"

"Of course! Of course! That's nothing compared to my pearl's value! Farewell!"

And with that, Spoink left us, Zippo on cloud nine and myself, still thinking something was off. Chatot was present for one thing. Call me paranoid, but that rang some alarm bells in my head.

"We're rich, Varil! We got rich just like that!"

"Well done, team!~ Now hand that money over, if you please!"

_Ah, there's our dose of reality. Didn't think it'd be that simple. Nothing ever seems to be simple where I'm involved._

"Most of the money from jobs goes to the Guildmaster, you see!~ And your team's share of the money comes out to this much...!~"

He handed back a whopping...200. _So the blokes who do most of the work only get 10%? That hardly seems fair. Well, can't complain too much, I suppose. We do get free room and board after all._

Zippo, of course, didn't take it as well.

"Huh?! We keep only 200? That's awful!"

"Well that's the guild's rule. You simply have to accept it!~"

* * *

><p>We seriously needed to invest in better ways to pass the time. It was too early, and most importantly I was too hungry for skulking off to my room for a bit of alone time in this world of nutcases. That's probably not a fair assessment given my small sample size, but until further notice I will regard everyone around me as a nutcase. Loudred and Diglett wanted to make a more formal acquaintance, to which I politely declined, not inclined to introduce myself more than once. I figured, rightfully so, that these two wouldn't be the last of the nosy tossers I'd be making acquaintance with.<p>

I heard the sound of a wind chime, followed by a voice. "Everyone! Thanks for waiting!~" The voice belonged to Chimecho. "I finished making dinner!~ Come on! Dinner's on!~"

* * *

><p>I had opted to formally introduce myself over dinner. "Hey, name's Varil. If you wanna know my life story, well too bad, 'cause that makes the both of us. You all know me about as well as I know myself at this point. Woke up yesterday with amnesia. Didn't have anywhere else to go or anything better to do with my time so I figured, what the hell, I'll hang around here until something comes back to me. I'd rather keep to myself from here on if it's all the same, not much of a conversationalist."<p>

All eyes were on me until I retook my seat, whereupon they promptly focused on their meals. Whether that was their stomachs talking or they actually respected my request for privacy was anyone's guess. This is when I noticed that among the other bipedal creatures here, I was the only one not eating face first, instead opting to eat like...well, more or less like a human. Hopefully that won't draw too much attention to me. I'm more of a backstage bloke than a center stage one.

I politely bid my new guild-mates a pleasant evening at the conclusion of our meal and made a beeline for bed. The day's events have left me quite exhausted, you see.

* * *

><p>I was already out before Zippo had a chance to summarize the day's events as if I wasn't there or had forgotten. He appeared to have learnt his lesson from last night, though, because I wasn't woken this time.<p> 


End file.
